Real M.E.N.

Strong, focused, knows the Importance of Family, etc...All traits of a real man... We define ourselves as Real Males. Ending. Nonsense... Here you'll find the views, agreements, disagreements, likes, dislikes, and everything else there is to know about males and females from the eyes of a few common men. Like it or Love it...

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17 posts tagged Relationships

Cinderella’s Stilettos..






Unusual title for an article, I know. But it has been every woman’s dream at at least once in her life. To live that unforgettable, romantic night with the man she loves. To feel like a princess or queen, to be treated as if she is the most loved and cherished being in a man’s life. A fantasy? Yes. Impossible? No. She can live the life of royalty if she’s worth it. As a man that has yet to reach his financial peak I’ve learned that fancy expensive gifts are appreciated, but thoughtful sentimental gifts/actions are even greater. If you love her, if you want to remind her that you love her, or you simply just want to get out of the dog house this will make her fall for you all over again.
First, plan. Sit down and think of every thing she’s ever told you she enjoys or might want to try/go. Planning must be done, as guys we hate it, but keep in mind this is her day. Begin with the breakfast in bed gesture, never gets old. The first planned event begins the day so make it a good one, personally I prefer to go the soothing route and schedule a nice massage, manicure, and pedicure. This will relax and beautify her simultaneously (If you’re really confident, schedule a hair appointment. However I recommend this event for a husband or advanced boyfriend). Second, shopping then lunch. You may ask why lunch, isn’t that too soon? Trust me, shopping will consume hours of time. Be mentally prepared for her to ask you countless opinions on endless articles of clothing. But say it with me: This is her day. Besides, she will be shopping for the perfect outfit to wear that evening. Remember not to tell her where the both of you will be going that night,keep her guessing. Anticipation is a huge strategy within your plan. Lunch? You have two options: Either choose a restaurant you have never been to or restaurant tied to a fond memory, preferably “First” memory. Order the same meal that you were served on that significant day, and though it may be difficult, try to seat in the exact same table/booth. Make her relive the moment, the convo must make her reflect and see how much your relationship has grown.
Now that the shopping is done and your bellies are full, choose something active to do. Fight the itis. Again, something new. Choose something you’ve never tried together. If she’s the intellectual/eclectic type choose an art gallery, maybe even check to see if an special festival/gathering may be held in town that weekend. Planning is important. If there isn’t much going on in town, pick up some paint and canvas notebooks to make your own masterpieces (there are some businesses that provide these services). For those who may not have wanted to do the restaurant event I previously mentioned, a romantic picnic in a beautiful park would work just as well. Cheaper, and food not as great as a restaurant, but women love the intimacy and rarity of it.
Next, you will have maybe 2-3 hours of time on your hands in between, this time frame I will leave up to you. Use it wisely. Use it to unveil your feelings and share your deepest thoughts …. Naaah, just use it wisely though.
Fast forward to the evening. The big event (Try to fit flowers and candles in at this time, set the mood). If you really want her to live out this Cinderella fantasy, dancing must be included. This means you must research a nice spot that has and encourages couples-dancing. No not a club, we don’t want to serenade her with Waka Flocka chants and gun cocking sounds. There is always a night club in a part of town that offers a live band with soulful calming tunes, find this place! She will be beautiful, tell her so repeatedly. She will be smiling, tell her it lights the room. Make her feel this is HER NIGHT. Enjoy the night with your woman, show her you cherish her love and commitment.
There are thousands of combinations to use to bring this fantasy to life, it’s all up to you and how well you know your woman. Every real, deserving woman should wear Cinderella’s stilettos at least once in her life, make it happen.


- Adjasont Thoughts

When Love Enslaves..

Questions that wreck my mind, unanswered questions that tug and tear at my heart. Watching a friend suffer is an awful feeling, witnessing a family member suffer is devastating.




What makes a young woman with her whole life ahead her settle? Settle for a man that is an ex-drug dealing, “rap career” dreaming, lying, felon but unfortunately the father of her child. A man that proposed to her only weeks after knowing of her pregnancy, because it felt like the “right” thing to do. A man that carries photographs of other women in his wallet but not yours. A man that sleeps during the day and goes to the “studio” at night, only to return home drunk and high. Why does she do it to herself? Why help pay his cell phone bills, car note, even give him gas money?
If these questions don’t boggle the mind, maybe the next few will: Why let a man that hasn’t provided for you or your child at all persuade you into a threesome with a 18 year old coworker? Why be in shock, heartbroken once hearing news of that same girl pregnant with his child? Why seek sympathy and comfort from family, then fund his birthday strip club party 4 days later?.. How blind is love?
Why listen in on his mother’s phone conversation with that 18 year old girl discussing future arrangements and shopping dates in the car you help pay for, build the nerve to finally leave… But then return to him a week later?
Is it low self-esteem? Is it youth? Is it allure of maybe one day having the traditional happy family? Is it the idea that he will change, that he will mature into the “ideal” role? Is it really Love? It can’t be… Right?


- Adjasont Thoughts

The Ex-Factor..





My homies and I often make jokes about one another’s exes; harmless, meaningless guy talk. But when the laughs are done and they ask me “How is _____ anyway? Y’all still talk to each other?”, my response has never changed no matter who they ask me about: “I don’t know, I don’t talk to her”. To them it makes me seem heartless and detached, but I see no major reason to stay in contact with an ex. And by contact I mean consistently, not just holiday/birthday texts. I feel that you take all that was wrong with that relationship and learn from it, on your end and your partner’s. Chit-chatting is okay, if you have loved the person it’s only natural to see how good they’re doing(or bad if they left you..Lol). I understand that it may be hard to be with someone for years, to share dreams and fears, then suddenly cut them out of your life. But I also think actively keeping that person in your life can maybe hinder your personal growth. You both may have established fond relationships with one another’s family and friends, divorcing them isn’t necessary I feel. More like a judgement call.

I’ve seen people try to be friends after the breakup phase and more than half the time they usually back-slide, sleep together, feelings get reattached/twisted, and they break up again! Only this time the departure is bitter. My break up remedy is cold, but at least I don’t have bad memories of my exes.

Why do people keep exes around? I’m asking, this question isn’t rhetorical. From a guy’s perspective I can only think of one reason to keep an ex around: post breakup sex. Seriously. If I’m through with you and I’m moving on with my life, or at least trying to, why else do we need to stay in close contact? Maybe I’m being too dismissive. But I think 3 out of 5 guys would agree with me. Actually I know a guy that had a woman breakup with him because she felt their relationship didn’t have a future. This guy’s last request, sadly, was to remain friends but with benefits. The old “BFF”(Best Friends F**king). Women aren’t exempt from this act neither, though women are mostly all about emotions and feelings they have needs too.

I’m a firm believer in letting someone live their life, exploring all endeavors, and if the love is true and meant to be God will intersect your road with that person again…


- Adjasont Thoughts

3 Sides To Cheating..





Why do men cheat? This question probably ranks in the top 10 of relationship questions, I’m sure, right up there with ‘Why are women so emotional?’ and ‘Why do nice guys finish last?’. Like every question concerning relationships it depends on the couple, and the individuals in the couple. People often see relationships as “we” or “us”, when it is to a certain degree, but in my opinion more about “I” or “Me” ultimately. Relationships are agreement, a contract, some more detailed than others. It can be structured with long-term goals and lifetime benefits, while other relationships are seasonal contracts with “Instant” rewards. You can be in a relationship with your soul mate, but if YOU aren’t ready to accept what he/she has to offer then it will be a constant uphill battle, a losing battle. Women and men cheat for a variety of reasons but under these two relationship umbrellas: Emotional or Physical. Men are likely to cheat with a woman that is the total opposite of their woman, but based off physical attraction. If Devin’s girl is slim, his mistress will be thick. If his woman is a size Double D, then his side chick’s bottom measurements will be a 24-40. Simple. Women however are more about feelings and being appreciated/wanted. Tracy won’t look to cheat on her man, women are naturally loyal. But if Devin’s attention is always elsewhere, Tracy will become subjective to Rodney’s flirting at her job and eventually when the stars aligned just right she’ll give in.

I’ve had quite a few encounters with women who don’t mind being the “Other Woman”. Women that are content with being the 2nd option, short late-night visits, and an outing every so often. They either were between relationships or they weren’t looking for anything too serious.

I’ll elaborate from my experiences, mainly because I know them best and they shape my point of view. I’ve had my share of side women, “appetizers” as one of my homies describes them. They all knew my situation, meaning that I was involved with someone, yet they participated for different reasons. Vivian was on the tail-end of a bad breakup with a cheating boyfriend. She wasn’t ready to begin another relationship, she claimed her “heart couldn’t take the stress”, and that she was more comfortable on this “side” of the love triangle. Misty…She was your typical “I-Can-Do-All-She-Can-And-More” kind of chick. In my eyes she saw me as a challenge, a opportunity to steal another’s man. She claimed she loved me, but in actuality she confused false hopes of conquering someones relationship with love, when it was more of an ego-boost.

I began writing this blog focused around a male’s psyche or reasoning for cheating. However, the more I thought about my personal faults in the past, my friends’ stories, the more I realized that women play a part in our infidelity too. They maybe even help make the act smoother by being tolerative(both by being the woman cheated on or being the side chick). And I’m not saying ALL women, but I do believe every woman has went through this stage of “Accepting”. Has the thought of monogamy been trampled so much that women are becoming content with being the “Other Woman” or the “Forgiving Mate”? Is this the mindset of this generation?..


- Adjasont Thoughts

Payin’ For It..





“Payin’ For It”. No matter how sweet or “Playa” a dude claims his game is, he has/will “Paid for It” atleast once in his life. Some men have no shame in admitting this, hence the phrase “It ain’t trickin if you got it”. It’s inevitable. Am I downgrading these individuals, not at all, I’ve been guilty of it too. But I sense you still have doubts, let me elaborate.

All guys at some stage in their life just want sex from women, nothing more. Plain and simple. We’ll do almost anything to get it; lie, stunt,etc. Like I said, it’s a stage. It’s when a guy sees a women and instinctively looks her up and down; rating her butt, breast, lips, and hips. He decides in that time frame, that 2-4 seconds whether or not he wants to have sex with her. In this situation let’s say she’s sexy, and he wants her. He introduces himself, chats it up and he is lucky enough to score a date that Saturday. Keep in mind she is very attractive so he wants to impress her, to persuade her. Where does he start? A restaurant, because what’s a good date without food? He selects a nice restaurant serving full course meal and premium beverages, total ranging from $55-$90. Steep? Maybe(Women tend to become more open when good food is present). But first date outcomes affect second date potential. Next, he has to decide the activity, the core of the date. This can be equal or even more important than picking the restaurant because it reveals to her your planning ability and level of maturity. Movie? I wouldn’t recommend because they are too easy and bland, communication is cut off as well being that you are in [[Shhh!! No Talking!!!]] A nightclub? Absolutely not. He has much more to lose than gain from a “points” perspective. Loud music, crowded surroundings, and shouting into her ear “Are you having a good time?!?!” every 20 minutes won’t exactly win her over. A jazz bar? A live band, soothing music, and game of pool can lighten the mood. If he’s lucky there may be a drink and food special. If not, beverages and pool table $30.

His plans are in place, now he must address his “Presentation”. He checks his closet and he has dope sweater he’s been holding out on, but he could really use some nice kicks to make it all work. He goes to the mall and has luck with a department store sale. $55 for a pair of nice Calvin Klein’s. His gear is fresh but he’s in between haircuts, quick trip to the barbershop. Don’t forget to tally another $15, $20 if a shave is included. Last stop the car wash, $5. Remember it’s all about “Presentation”.

For this date he’s approaching a total upward of $100, one date, potentially one date of many to come meaning more money. He may score that weekend IF everything goes perfect, IF the convo is great, and IF the alcohol plays wingman. More than likely he won’t tho, there will be more dates ahead emptying his checking account even more. Let’s hope he balances his checkbook well, because he still has give his Girlfriend the same exact treatment that Friday. But that’s another story… **winks**


-Adjasont Thoughts

I’ll Pay..





First off let me say, I enjoy giving my lady friend the nicest of gifts whenever I am able to. There is nothing wrong with showering my lady friend with nice things, right?

Question: If I cannot provide the things she likes will the relationship suffer?

I think one reason why successful black ladies relationship numbers are down is because of the gift giving factor. Speaking solely as a man, I get a sense of happiness when I see my lady happy. When my girl opens that box with those red heels, or sprays on that new perfume I bought her, I get happy. I love it. If I were to see a girl with all the things, that I desire to buy her, already; I would be lost. I would feel like I cannot offer what she likes. This would cause me to stray from the types I believe to be out of my range because I know that I cant make her happy… (Just going by the gift-giving preconceived notion)

Question: Is it worth me breaking my back to try to get her what she likes just to see her happy if we are already together?

Happiness in a relationship is key. I cant help but think that if I were to work extremely hard to try to provide the newest “Sinatra’s”, I wouldn’t be happy. In a relationship I need to be happy as well as my lady. Sometimes, in my generation, a lady is taught that she is the gem, the jewel, the great treasure… That holds true until that thought process cause the relationship to be one sided. I believe that I shouldn’t have to prove my love through gifts, if I cannot afford them.

Side note: Too many times a relationship gets defined by what one can do for the other. I hate that. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone just because I can afford certain things. Like me for me and you’ll find out that the things you like are some of the things that I like you to have… I.D.

Trading Places




”..Today we going shopping blowing 30 on me, make it 60, spend it like you really love me. You order Chinese food right before you do me..” - Usher

The lyrics above are from a mid-uptempo, seductive, role-playing track off Usher’s 2008 platinum album ‘Here I stand’ entitled “Trading Places”. The song is sexual invitation to his lover that suggests they switch places/roles for a day, and it’s quite vivid. I admire “Trading Places” because it gives both parties a taste of what he/she wants at times. For Men: No pressure of planning, being catered to, no financial worries, and being owned in the bedroom. For Women: POWER, reflecting her appreciation, spoiling her man, controlling situations, and giving her man %100 satisfaction.


However…with that being said…how many women could truly live that lifestyle? Embrace that role? One of my friends and I had this conversation a while back, we called it “The Other Double Standard”. What do we see in most relationships, what is traditionally the main template? The man goes to work, pays the bills, provides a home, takes care of other family expenses, and protects his family. Those are the essential basics.Now let’s say a woman does, not even all of those needs, only half. For instance, she works full-time, pays the bills, her mate/boyfriend is in between jobs, and he only pitches in every now and then. Their Love may get them through some tough times in the beginning, but once that first argument happens, that first dispute, get your ear plugs:


“Why aren’t you calling those employers back instead of going to hoop wit Freddy?! Hooping ain’t paying this light bill!!”
”Don’t have all your ugly little friends in here eating up the groceries that I buy!!”
”Well since you the man, what you have you bought lately to help us?!”


Are her questions/points valid? Maybe. She has a right to question because she has assumed the Power Role. But what I’ve noticed is that women are more likely/prone then men to throw accomplishments and responsibilities in their partner’s face. Say what you want but take time to reminisce about every time you saw a woman putting her man out on the side of the road, or kicking him out of her apartment. I guarantee something to the degree of one of those quotes I mentioned earlier were stated. I guess Janet Jackson spoke the mind of women across the world with her Billboard topping hit “What Have You Done For Me Lately?“…

-Adjasont Thoughts

Black Is Beautiful But Crazy

I’m off the lovey dubey shit. This just a little something I wanted to talk about. Read it and Love It





I have a mom, four sisters, aunts, and friends. So I know black women inside and out and from what I know and have heard, y’all are a very different type of species. A type who gets mad over a LOCKED PHONE or gets mad when your guy wants to do something with his friends. For these reasons and many others, guys are going to the other race. Don’t get mad when you find out a black guy that you like is messing with a white girl. It only means that shes doing something right and you’re doing things wrong. The white girl don’t care if we play video games all day. Sometimes she cheers us on. The white girl doesn’t throw things and start an argument when we go out with the guys. I’ve been around your ass all week, hell I need some alone time. The white girl, whether she can cook or not, is going to have something for her man to eat when he gets home. Who this sound like? Baby what we going to eat tonight? Shit, whatever you black ass cook. I’m tired, I been working all day!! That’s when we go to the white girl house. For example how many times you heard a black girl talk bad about Reggie Bush for messing with Kim. She ain’t white but she ain’t black either. They know nothing about football but since he a nice looking black man, they just have to have him. I’ve heard things like this:

She a hoe, why the hell he with her?

Reggie you can do much better baby!

He need a black girl, that’s why he always hurt!

That’s a fine man! I’ll do whatever he say to be with his ass!

All the black women that’s reading this saying that wasn’t me saying that, it was YO ass saying that. I’m a black guy that is going to have a black girl hopefully, because Mama Ward don’t want no mixed grand-babys. But I just had to write about this because I see to much hate toward black men and white women. Love is about more than the color of your skin. Trust me I know this is not every black woman, but its a lot of you. Y’all just scared to admit it.

*Phil My Infliction*

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