Real M.E.N.

My homies and I often make jokes about one another’s exes; harmless, meaningless guy talk. But when the laughs are done and they ask me “How is _____ anyway? Y’all still talk to each other?”, my response has never changed no matter who they ask me about: “I don’t know, I don’t talk to her”. To them it makes me seem heartless and detached, but I see no major reason to stay in contact with an ex. And by contact I mean consistently, not just holiday/birthday texts. I feel that you take all that was wrong with that relationship and learn from it, on your end and your partner’s. Chit-chatting is okay, if you have loved the person it’s only natural to see how good they’re doing(or bad if they left you..Lol). I understand that it may be hard to be with someone for years, to share dreams and fears, then suddenly cut them out of your life. But I also think actively keeping that person in your life can maybe hinder your personal growth. You both may have established fond relationships with one another’s family and friends, divorcing them isn’t necessary I feel. More like a judgement call.

I’ve seen people try to be friends after the breakup phase and more than half the time they usually back-slide, sleep together, feelings get reattached/twisted, and they break up again! Only this time the departure is bitter. My break up remedy is cold, but at least I don’t have bad memories of my exes.

Why do people keep exes around? I’m asking, this question isn’t rhetorical. From a guy’s perspective I can only think of one reason to keep an ex around: post breakup sex. Seriously. If I’m through with you and I’m moving on with my life, or at least trying to, why else do we need to stay in close contact? Maybe I’m being too dismissive. But I think 3 out of 5 guys would agree with me. Actually I know a guy that had a woman breakup with him because she felt their relationship didn’t have a future. This guy’s last request, sadly, was to remain friends but with benefits. The old “BFF”(Best Friends F**king). Women aren’t exempt from this act neither, though women are mostly all about emotions and feelings they have needs too.

I’m a firm believer in letting someone live their life, exploring all endeavors, and if the love is true and meant to be God will intersect your road with that person again…


- Adjasont Thoughts

Why do men cheat? This question probably ranks in the top 10 of relationship questions, I’m sure, right up there with ‘Why are women so emotional?’ and ‘Why do nice guys finish last?’. Like every question concerning relationships it depends on the couple, and the individuals in the couple. People often see relationships as “we” or “us”, when it is to a certain degree, but in my opinion more about “I” or “Me” ultimately. Relationships are agreement, a contract, some more detailed than others. It can be structured with long-term goals and lifetime benefits, while other relationships are seasonal contracts with “Instant” rewards. You can be in a relationship with your soul mate, but if YOU aren’t ready to accept what he/she has to offer then it will be a constant uphill battle, a losing battle. Women and men cheat for a variety of reasons but under these two relationship umbrellas: Emotional or Physical. Men are likely to cheat with a woman that is the total opposite of their woman, but based off physical attraction. If Devin’s girl is slim, his mistress will be thick. If his woman is a size Double D, then his side chick’s bottom measurements will be a 24-40. Simple. Women however are more about feelings and being appreciated/wanted. Tracy won’t look to cheat on her man, women are naturally loyal. But if Devin’s attention is always elsewhere, Tracy will become subjective to Rodney’s flirting at her job and eventually when the stars aligned just right she’ll give in.

I’ve had quite a few encounters with women who don’t mind being the “Other Woman”. Women that are content with being the 2nd option, short late-night visits, and an outing every so often. They either were between relationships or they weren’t looking for anything too serious.

I’ll elaborate from my experiences, mainly because I know them best and they shape my point of view. I’ve had my share of side women, “appetizers” as one of my homies describes them. They all knew my situation, meaning that I was involved with someone, yet they participated for different reasons. Vivian was on the tail-end of a bad breakup with a cheating boyfriend. She wasn’t ready to begin another relationship, she claimed her “heart couldn’t take the stress”, and that she was more comfortable on this “side” of the love triangle. Misty…She was your typical “I-Can-Do-All-She-Can-And-More” kind of chick. In my eyes she saw me as a challenge, a opportunity to steal another’s man. She claimed she loved me, but in actuality she confused false hopes of conquering someones relationship with love, when it was more of an ego-boost.

I began writing this blog focused around a male’s psyche or reasoning for cheating. However, the more I thought about my personal faults in the past, my friends’ stories, the more I realized that women play a part in our infidelity too. They maybe even help make the act smoother by being tolerative(both by being the woman cheated on or being the side chick). And I’m not saying ALL women, but I do believe every woman has went through this stage of “Accepting”. Has the thought of monogamy been trampled so much that women are becoming content with being the “Other Woman” or the “Forgiving Mate”? Is this the mindset of this generation?..


- Adjasont Thoughts

“Payin’ For It”. No matter how sweet or “Playa” a dude claims his game is, he has/will “Paid for It” atleast once in his life. Some men have no shame in admitting this, hence the phrase “It ain’t trickin if you got it”. It’s inevitable. Am I downgrading these individuals, not at all, I’ve been guilty of it too. But I sense you still have doubts, let me elaborate.

All guys at some stage in their life just want sex from women, nothing more. Plain and simple. We’ll do almost anything to get it; lie, stunt,etc. Like I said, it’s a stage. It’s when a guy sees a women and instinctively looks her up and down; rating her butt, breast, lips, and hips. He decides in that time frame, that 2-4 seconds whether or not he wants to have sex with her. In this situation let’s say she’s sexy, and he wants her. He introduces himself, chats it up and he is lucky enough to score a date that Saturday. Keep in mind she is very attractive so he wants to impress her, to persuade her. Where does he start? A restaurant, because what’s a good date without food? He selects a nice restaurant serving full course meal and premium beverages, total ranging from $55-$90. Steep? Maybe(Women tend to become more open when good food is present). But first date outcomes affect second date potential. Next, he has to decide the activity, the core of the date. This can be equal or even more important than picking the restaurant because it reveals to her your planning ability and level of maturity. Movie? I wouldn’t recommend because they are too easy and bland, communication is cut off as well being that you are in [[Shhh!! No Talking!!!]] A nightclub? Absolutely not. He has much more to lose than gain from a “points” perspective. Loud music, crowded surroundings, and shouting into her ear “Are you having a good time?!?!” every 20 minutes won’t exactly win her over. A jazz bar? A live band, soothing music, and game of pool can lighten the mood. If he’s lucky there may be a drink and food special. If not, beverages and pool table $30.

His plans are in place, now he must address his “Presentation”. He checks his closet and he has dope sweater he’s been holding out on, but he could really use some nice kicks to make it all work. He goes to the mall and has luck with a department store sale. $55 for a pair of nice Calvin Klein’s. His gear is fresh but he’s in between haircuts, quick trip to the barbershop. Don’t forget to tally another $15, $20 if a shave is included. Last stop the car wash, $5. Remember it’s all about “Presentation”.

For this date he’s approaching a total upward of $100, one date, potentially one date of many to come meaning more money. He may score that weekend IF everything goes perfect, IF the convo is great, and IF the alcohol plays wingman. More than likely he won’t tho, there will be more dates ahead emptying his checking account even more. Let’s hope he balances his checkbook well, because he still has give his Girlfriend the same exact treatment that Friday. But that’s another story… **winks**


-Adjasont Thoughts

”..Today we going shopping blowing 30 on me, make it 60, spend it like you really love me. You order Chinese food right before you do me..” - Usher

The lyrics above are from a mid-uptempo, seductive, role-playing track off Usher’s 2008 platinum album ‘Here I stand’ entitled “Trading Places”. The song is sexual invitation to his lover that suggests they switch places/roles for a day, and it’s quite vivid. I admire “Trading Places” because it gives both parties a taste of what he/she wants at times. For Men: No pressure of planning, being catered to, no financial worries, and being owned in the bedroom. For Women: POWER, reflecting her appreciation, spoiling her man, controlling situations, and giving her man %100 satisfaction.


However…with that being said…how many women could truly live that lifestyle? Embrace that role? One of my friends and I had this conversation a while back, we called it “The Other Double Standard”. What do we see in most relationships, what is traditionally the main template? The man goes to work, pays the bills, provides a home, takes care of other family expenses, and protects his family. Those are the essential basics.Now let’s say a woman does, not even all of those needs, only half. For instance, she works full-time, pays the bills, her mate/boyfriend is in between jobs, and he only pitches in every now and then. Their Love may get them through some tough times in the beginning, but once that first argument happens, that first dispute, get your ear plugs:


“Why aren’t you calling those employers back instead of going to hoop wit Freddy?! Hooping ain’t paying this light bill!!”
”Don’t have all your ugly little friends in here eating up the groceries that I buy!!”
”Well since you the man, what you have you bought lately to help us?!”


Are her questions/points valid? Maybe. She has a right to question because she has assumed the Power Role. But what I’ve noticed is that women are more likely/prone then men to throw accomplishments and responsibilities in their partner’s face. Say what you want but take time to reminisce about every time you saw a woman putting her man out on the side of the road, or kicking him out of her apartment. I guarantee something to the degree of one of those quotes I mentioned earlier were stated. I guess Janet Jackson spoke the mind of women across the world with her Billboard topping hit “What Have You Done For Me Lately?“…

-Adjasont Thoughts